I came to the very sad realization that I am terrible at taking care of myself.
I lay on the couch with Ezra by my side most of the day while Kade ruled the house. Meals were managed, but barely. I shuffled around the house, holding on to furniture for support and expressing on Facebook how downright ticked I was at my immune system for failing me. Kade was furious. He wanted to go to the park, he wanted to play trains, he wanted attention. Ezra is coming down with the same crud so he was a bit more compliant. He stared at me with watery eyes and I nodded at him with understanding, I know baby. This sucks.
I slipped into the bathtub with Kade because reaching over the tub to wash him seemed impossible. I read books and prepped him for bed only to realize he still had an hour before his bedtime. I pleaded with him, "Buddy, I know it's early but Mama is so sick. Can you try to rest a bit?" I have one of the most amazing kids on the planet because he was snoozing within minutes. My sensitive one, knowing Mama needed some (ahem) Personal Time.
When Ian finally got home, I jumped from the couch in tears, so happy to see him. He maneuvered through the toys and clothes strewn across the floor and washed a plate to heat up his dinner (so embarrassing, but let's be real here). I asked him to feel my head, to which he remarked, "You do feel hot. Did you take anything for it?"
If my head weren't pounding before, it was now. Of course I didn't. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind because, apparently, I feel the need to tough it out. I stared at him and asked, "Do we have a fever reducer?" He brought me a Motrin and I sort of stared at him and at the little orange pill in my hand. Why on earth hadn't I taken one of these?
Later, I thought about the fact that we have tea. Why haven't I made myself a cup of tea? Then I remembered the peppermint rub beneath the bathroom cabinet.
Why wasn't I taking care of myself?
I'm not sure what the answer is. A mere hour after the Motrin, I felt a hundred times better. Still sick, but the fever was gone and the soreness was relieved. I was able to sleep okay and actually got dressed this morning (gasp!).
Today, I'm drinking tea and slathering on the peppermint rub and the house was cleaned and Kade got his much needed attention.
I think, as a mom, I feel like I have to tough it out. I don't know where this derived from and I admit, it's ridiculous. I lay on the couch, helpless, telling myself I would have to let it run it's course. Toughen up, Mama. All the while, I had tools that could have helped me tough it out, more comfortably.
I guess this is a good time to examine myself; to remember (again and again) that I'm worth some taking care of. Isn't it funny how we can remember this and have to be reminded a day later?
Toughen up, Mamas. Take care of yourselves.